Monday, October 16, 2006

Craziest thing ever

In two days I am going on a predeployment seminar on the Department of Health's Doctors to the Barrios Program. I just realized this morning that this has got to be the craziest thing that I ever did in my lifetime and I am scared.

On a personal level, I am scared that I get deployed in a far away land without even a mobile signal and I won't be able to text my family and friends. I am not afraid of the far away land, I am more afraid of being lonely or not being able to talk to anybody when I get lonely.

Professionally, I am afraid that I may not know enough to serve a municipality with about 15-20 barangays. I am beginning to doubt my skills. Will I be able to deliver a baby without the benefit of anesthesia or even an IV line? Can I insert a CTT when I am faced with a stabbed patient? What will I do without x-ray or urinalysis?

I also fear that I might stagnate, intellectually that is. By the time I finish this job, most of my friends will be senior residents in their chosen fields. They already have honed their skills and gained a lot of knowledge. I, on the other hand, will only be starting.

I am praying and hoping that I never get too lonely or end up stupid in this job. As one of my friends said, only I can prevent that from happening. I just have to remember that and say in the end that this is not as crazy as I thought it is.


AnaKaT said...

Che, I know how you feel. It really is terrifying when you're the only doctor around. However, you'd be surprised with what you can do when there's no one to call for help. Instincts kick in. It may be hard at first, but I know you'll do well. I'll miss you.

luthien said...

hi. you may not know me -- i just stumbled upon your blog while searching -- but i already admire you for going through with this thing. i admire doctors who go to the barrios -- a lot. i hope your tribe may increase.