Nasyonalista, Part II

It the past two months, everything that I have written in my previous blog Nasyonalista were slowly crumbling down. They were slowly drifting away from me little by little. I have to blame it on my ultra benign schedule because I got to do a lot of thinking, see more of my family and friends, more so than usual. In other words, I got time to hear my dad convince me to go abroad or my working friends' sentiment about the hopelessness in this country. Not only that, I even got time to consider all my options.

So there, about 2 weeks ago, I have decided that I will leave the country as soon as possible. Na-imagine mo ba kung gaano nakakahiya un para sa akin na sumulat ng isang blog tungkol sa aking so-called nationalism?

I am not religious, but I pray. I hold on to something more powerful and superior than any of us to keep me grounded and sane. I was almost sure na ayoko na mag-stay sa Pilipinas. Ayoko na mag-doctor to the barrios as I have always wanted. But I wasn't sure if this was the right thing for me, I mean, leaving everything, even my idealism. I prayed for strength, a sign or whatever to help me. Just when I thought I got it all planned out, my sign came.

Last Wednesday, we had our monthly academic sessions in the hospital. To my surprise, the session was about DOH's DTTB (Doctors to the Barrio) Program. I coudn't ask for a more obvious sign than that. What was even more surprising was that all my doubts and fears about staying in the Philippines put to rest, for now.

Sabi ko nga dun sa isang blog ko, di pa ko nag-aaral maging doktor, gusto ko na sumali sa programang ito. Pero lately, I have decided I will forget about my plans and just go practice somewhere I can earn MORE and live MORE comfortably. Naisip ko kasi, bubuhayin ba ko ng pagiging doktor sa barrio? Mabibigyan ko ba ang Daddy ko ng pick-up truck na gusto niya? Nasagot naman mga katanungan ko. Hindi daw. Hehe. Hindi ako yayaman sa DTTB at di ko mabibili ng bagong sasakyan ang Daddy ko pero makakapamuhay ako ng maginhawa. Sapat. Hindi ko pa tatalikuran ang aking mga paniniwala.

Hindi ako nagsasalita ng patapos dahil hindi ko sigurado kung di nga ako aalis ng Pilipinas sa takdang panahon. Pero sa ngayon ako ay masaya lang dahil sa mga panahong nagdududa ako kung kaya ko pa tumagal sa Pilipinas, nabibigyan ako ng bagong dahilan para magtiwala at umasa na balang-araw, magiging maayos din buhay ng bawat Pilipino. May dahilan pa ko para di talikuran ang aking mga pangarap sa aking sarili at ating bansa.