Monday, August 28, 2006

Decisions, decisions, decisions

I woke up this morning with a headache. I usually get that only when I sleep really late.

I sleep late, meaning at about 1 or 2am, only when no. 1. I drank strong instant coffee or houseblend from any coffeeshop; No. 2. There's a rerun of house, CSI or any of my favorite TV show; no. 3. I took an afternoon nap; or No. 4. Something is bothering me.

Since I didn't do any of the first 3, I guessed that something must have been bothering me.

Ever since passing the board exams, there is only one thing that has been bothering me. What to do next? Will I pursue my want to join doctors to the barrios? Or will I apply for residency and become an OB? Or consider practicing medicine in Australia?

I am actually gearing towards applying to the doctor to the barrios program of the DOH. However, I start to question my decision everytime a colleague tells me that it is not going to be easy being assigned in a far-flung place, or when my Dad asks me to reconsider for his peace of mind, or when resident-friends tell me that the best time to go into training is right after passing the boards, or when real self-doubt sinks in.

What shall I do?

I actually envied my friend Angge when she said that the decision was already made for her since she is pregnant. In times like this when I am in a crossroad, at the back of my mind I kinda wish that somebody or something points me to the right direction.

That is what is bittersweet about decisions, you will never know if you made the right one until you actually make it. The good thing though is, you definitely know if you are making the wrong one.
Right now, I am clueless.

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